Welcome to The Story Project: Faces of the 1 in 4, a series where you’ll meet women of different ages, backgrounds and stages of pregnancy loss, yet within the context of remembering that they’re all mothers. You’ll also see how community has made a difference in the lives of each woman.
Today we meet Jordann. She is new to Gathering Hope this year, yet another woman that jumped in with both feet, even before attending her first gathering. She is an advocate through and through, starting almost immediately following the birth of her daughter, Duffy. Kind and enthusiastically passionate about supporting fellow mothers, Jordann is someone we definitely feel blessed to know. As with all of the wonderful women who have shared their stories, we are honored by her willingness to courageously share her experience.
JORDANN, PLEASE INTRODUCE US TO YOUR BABIES.
Duffy never experienced the world from outside of my body, but she was delivered on January 24, 2019 at 24 weeks. We didn’t always know she was a girl, but during the week our world was turned upside down, we found out that she was, in fact, pink.
Amid the heartbreak, we knew immediately we would share her story. Before Duffy and before my two-year-old son, Ryker, I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. It was my first pregnancy. We never told anyone other than parents and, for Duffy, we would set the record straight.
When we lost her, I could clearly see Satan at work. I could see how, in isolation, he would trap me, and others, in this walk. With a strength not my own, I refused to give way and, instead, give Duffy’s story the light and joy it deserved. To avoid a pile-up of flowers and food on our porch, we set up a living memorial for Duffy and friends and family helped us give her a journey. Now, in a special park in Fort Worth, there is a piece of Duffy’s life there. Pretty incredible for feet that never touched the earth. (Editor’s note: Anyone can enjoy the gift of Duffy’s memory at Fort Worth Dream Park)
Duffy would be just months away from her first birthday now. In this time, she has motivated me to be a healthier version of myself—I think about her every time a workout gets hard. She has allowed me the gracious opportunity to speak about pregnancy and infant loss to those I know – including close friends, strangers and colleagues. She has given me a story to tell when someone thinks they can’t make a difference and, more than anything, she’s a part of a story to tell when someone thinks God can’t draw anything good from a broken heart.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE LEFT YOU LOOKING FOR SUPPORT? WAS THERE ANYONE WHO SUPPORTED YOU WELL?
In one of my life’s lowest points, I’ve never felt more carried by God. He literally sent an army. From a mom group I joined two years ago, they assembled. They showered me with cards and love. They walked with me as I scrambled to make sense of everything. They were, for me, the difference between moving forward and falling flat on my face. We had the support of our parents and close friends. Our family never failed us. Looking back, I was so close to Darkness – The darkness in the wake of loss is real, but community and compassion were my candlelight and it saved me.
This army is a big part of why I am forever indebted to helping other women who are a part of this club none of us wanted to be at a part of. But, we are here. And, so by helping others, I am sharing the support I know I would have been lost without.
HOW DID YOU FIND GATHERING HOPE AND WHAT HELPED YOU DECIDE TO COME? WHAT WOULD YOU TELL A MOM WHO MAY BE HESITANT ABOUT ATTENDING A GATHERING?
The week we lost Duffy, I was scheduled to have coffee with Jennifer Gross with St. Paul Lutheran church. I had to cancel and had to tell her why. She connected me with Peyton. I put the event on my calendar but didn’t register until months later. I figured if I wasn’t going to at least attend, I needed to help others show up. I joined the publicity team and was guided into a position of service. I would like to say this was all my doing, but if you look at the timeline of when we joined St. Paul and when Jennifer and I were set to connect over coffee, you’ll know this was a God thing.
So, this will be my first gathering. I come into this empathetically sharing in all the same fears as any other first-time guest, not knowing what to expect when I walk through those doors. But, with other moms and survivors, I know I won’t be alone. And not being alone saved me. In doing my part as Duffy’s mom, all I need to do is just get myself there. She deserves to share in the candlelight and love of an evening that honors her life.
WE REACHED OUT TO JORDANN AFTER GATHERING HOPE THIS YEAR AND SHE RECALLED HER EXPERIENCE, ALONG WITH A STORY THAT HAD TO BE SHARED.
Attending my first gathering was nourishment for the soul. I believe Satan uses loss and infertility to break apart friends and family, but God uses them to bring us together. It’s all on which path we choose and choosing to gather hope was how I chose to let it build, instead of break.
We walked through the first set of tables, looking for a seat. I had my mom and sister-in-law with me, so we needed three chairs. After going to three tables, we finally found our table. When we sat down, my mom looked across at me with tears in her eyes. She took her hand and swiveled the flower arrangement around to where I could read it. She said, “Did you know we were sitting at the table where Duffy’s flowers were?” And when I looked at the card, it was the flowers, with a card that read her name, donated by our friends.
And God said to me, “This is where you were meant to be,” and I’ll never forget it.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN TO A QUARTERLY SOCIAL, WHAT WAS YOUR EXPERIENCE LIKE? WHAT WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE TO ENCOURAGE THEM TO COME?
It took us a while to figure out how to talk about our loss as a couple in a public and in unfamiliar settings, so we haven’t attended the quarterly socials yet, but we stand united in the disappointment we missed axe throwing and will not let that pass us up on the next go-around!
I did, however, take part in the self-care workshop and as someone who thought I had my self-care on point, boy was I wrong! The Gathering Hope Self-Care Workshop put self-care at the forefront of my to-do list on a daily basis and I have truly experienced managing stress and emotions better since attending.
ARE YOU INVOLVED IN OUR ONLINE COMMUNITY? HOW HAS THAT IMPACTED YOUR JOURNEY OR HEALING?
After being introduced to this group, I followed the Gathering Hope Facebook page quietly for some time. When I felt strong, I would contribute to the posts and help women looking for advice. When I felt vulnerable, I would find uplift in the shared articles and videos. I found the group and posts would inadvertently support me via my news feed.
I may have sometimes just scrolled by, or I may have clicked, but I was always reminded that my loss didn’t have to be a secret. I didn’t have be feel alone or be ashamed by grief and that was a huge turning point in my journey.
HOW HAS GATHERING HOPE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE?
Giving to Gathering Hope has both fulfilled a calling to serve and a desire to re-direct the energy within that comes from losing all hope – which is crazy to me that I lost all hope in January and in October I’m Gathering Hope.
WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO VOLUNTEER WITH GATHERING HOPE HAS ANYTHING CHANGED FOR YOU?
When someone feels unblessed and doesn’t know what to do, the best thing they can do is bless and help others. In doing so, I have connected with women from so many diverse walks. In feeling compassion for others, I’ve learned to show myself compassion. I don’t tell myself anything I wouldn’t tell another mom enduring and surviving loss.
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WOULD SHARE WITH A MOM WHO FINDS HERSELF AT THE BEGINNING OF HER JOURNEY?
After my missed miscarriage at 10 weeks, I lay in the hospital bed after the D&C procedure. I journaled while I was there, saying it was the worst day of my life. Thirty-seven days later, without missing a beat, I conceived my son. And my worst day ever, became Day 1 of my best story yet.
After Duffy, I experienced a period of waiting – I’m still waiting. But, I’m also still standing. This time, because I’ve chosen to share my story, no matter how sad and messy it is, I’m not standing alone.
All of this is hope. And while it plays out differently for everyone, each story is worth living out. Don’t stop your story short. Keep trudging, because hope in the future is what makes the past worthwhile.
Are you one of the 1 in 4? We invite you to connect with us online in our private Facebook group HERE. To read other installments of The Story Project, click HERE.
Photography: Judy Rodriguez, Judy Rodriguez Photography
Makeup: Lydia Gideon
Hair: Monica Puckett, Memorable Occasions and Hair Design